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May. 27th, 2009

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Its easy to underappreciate and underestimate purpose in one's life.
 
For me purpose is God, theatre, and pursuing freedom.
Yet, when I feel separate from God,
When I am unable to participate in theatre,
When pursuit of freedom is blocked by obstacles,
Well, It makes me feel a whole lot less than complete.
____________________
 
However, there have been golden moments, like: 
running around town in all hours of the morn, 
bonfires and lots of beach time,
Thespian Initiation Kidnapping,
Lava Monsters in the park,
and painting faces.

Nov. 11th, 2008

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I'll never underestimate the power of music on the mood again.
It made my morning happy.

and a roast beef sandwich took care of my afternoon.

and Kait took care of last night.

...lets hope this ball keeps rolling!

Nov. 10th, 2008

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I posted, but I changed my mind.
I cant ask for anyone's understanding or acceptance.

Here I am in the web of life, a solitary strand, caught in the wind. Once things die down, I'll join the weave again.




I read The Time Traveler's Wife.  Its a good book. I bawled at a couple points.
In a month, I saw 74 Jeep Cherokees
I have some free time, but not enough to get back into old hobbies, which I sorely miss. But, I realized that the things ive worked on, like painting my wall, are to help me with what Im going through. The projects cant be duplicated because my circumstances arent the same.
I just want a good PB&J sandwich and a new book to read.



 

Nov. 3rd, 2008

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62 Jeep Cherokees

Today ive been pretty nostalgic.
y'know... just about everything good that Ive experienced,
like Initiation, Great America trips, or Couch Spidering, 
stupid stuff that shouldnt mean anything but does anyway.

There was a sort of freedom in my awkward youth...
when believing anything and trusting anyone were simple.
When I believed I could never be jaded and cynical.
When I stretched my arms out to the heavens and cried shamelessly.

When questions didnt demand answers quite yet.

 




"In the soundless awe and wonder
words fall short to hope again
how beautiful, how vast your love is
new forever, world without an end
"

Sep. 30th, 2008

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im wondering where i find my solace anymore.
i find myself getting insanely jealous of little kids, like Rebecca's 4 year old nephew, who doesnt have a stinking care in the world.

society keeps telling me that I have to find a deeper understanding of life, but what if what i already have is enough?


I need this coming semester off, and ive never been happier with my decision. I need color in my ever-greying life here in the dreary Yoch.

i need a lungful of pure, solid, gushing AIR. I feel like i havent inhaled for weeks.


Sep. 15th, 2008

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hahahahaha


by the way, that was a really sarcastic laugh.

definitely not where i want to be. physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, mentally... and pretty much any other ally you can think of. So, why do i settle?



i havent done anything to make me happy.
ive forgotten what tie-dying feels like. and sewing. and painting.
i cant believe i would let myself go that far.

Sep. 14th, 2008

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Yesterday was brilliant.

Robert and four of his friends came up to visit (well, mostly to see the A's game...), so Rebecca and i met up with them.
It  was really really nice to have someone from camp up here, instead of me going down to SoCal.
And It was interesting to see who Robert hangs out with and rooms with. They are all amazing guys. It was actually really nice to spend time with a bunch of guys who arent idiots and arent jerks. Their jokes were clean, they goofed off but it wasnt stupid, and they treated Rebecca and I with respect and as if we'd all been friends for years. They were a lot of fun, and im glad that those types of guys are still around. Its gives me a great deal of hope.
Oh, yeah, and hanging out with Robert wasnt so bad either.





byyytheway,
thanks jerry for the CDs, they work perfectly.

Sep. 12th, 2008

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i think i understand a little bit about the funk ive been in
nothing is decided. nothing is firm. nothing is definite.
Im in the pre- stages. Pre-show. Pre-job. Pre-graduation. Pre-college. Pre-moving.
Its like those dreams where youre running to get somewhere, but no matter how hard you try, you cant ever go as fast as you want... but you keep trying anyway.
AND SO, im here with everything im trying to reach tossed up in the air. So, since thats where my situation is, that is where my mind is too.
Im standing here with upturned palms, waiting for something to fall close enough for me to catch.

 

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Robert is coming up tomorrow.




Rebecca and I had to contact:
David, Amanda, CamCam, The wrong Robert, Geoff, Bethany, Gabby, Big Drew, and Tony
...And my soda leaked out the bottom of the cup all over my legs, so it looked like I wet myself.
all to get his phone number.

But im expecting tomorrow to be a good day.

Sep. 11th, 2008

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not as easy as i expected.

So THIS is what they meant!


...My multiple lives are conflicting again...
Too bad Im too stubborn to ask for help!


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